You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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