I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
