God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
