I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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