i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
