no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
