I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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