Ketchup is God's man juice
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
