what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
