he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
