i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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