Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
