IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
