After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
