need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
