Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
