so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
