where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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