So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
