Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
