The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize