So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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