My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
