what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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