The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
