he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
