Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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