I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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