you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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