why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
