today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
