i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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