Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
