So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
