I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
