apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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