oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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