Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
