apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
