grandma shit on top of the toilet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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