I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
