my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
