So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
