after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
