Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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