I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
