I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
