You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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