It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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