She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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