He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
