Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
