I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
