; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
