Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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