i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh god it's open bar.
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