The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
