Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
