i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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