I love black thongs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
