This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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